And one of these standards that I have been revisiting just recently are my standards on sexuality. By this, I don't mean sexual orientation; I am referring to the innate, humanly, sexual drive that we all have. You know what that is. And if you're immersed in Christian culture like I am, sexuality is only talked about on occasion and more than likely, the audience gets squirmy.
Before college I didn't really think too much about this topic, seeing as my environment was pretty controlled and displaced me from excessive temptation. I can see God's grace intensively in that.
But as I grow older, I see that this is something I need to understand for myself, recognized the immense biblical relevancy, and prepare for what might come my way -- whether it be marriage or celibacy.
One of my favorite Christian help books (there's gotta be a better specification that that) is called "God in My Everything." Author Ken Shigematsu, who've I've had the pleasure of meeting and hearing speak, addresses busyness and how we can encounter, know, and sustain relationship with God/others in the midst of a hectic lifestyle. His insight on healthy sexuality has revolutionized my understanding and inspired me to share what I've learned with the world. So here's the gist of what he says.
Breaking it down, the Greek word eros can mean the desire for sex itself. However, Shigematsu states that in the word's most natural sense, eros refers to a "natural desire for beauty or a longing for relational intimacy."
I like those words a lot. Natural. Beauty. Relational.
Reading that reassured me that the drive within all of us is not a bad thing. It isn't something that should be hidden or diffused or suppressed. My sexuality is a part of who I am. It is the desire to intimately connect and give life to others. What I do with that desire will either bring my spirit life or poison it to death.
We humans crave depth, to be known, to be desired, valued, understood. That is the energy of our sexuality.
As a single woman, it is my responsibility to channel this energy in a healthy manner. I need to be connected to others. I need to give life, to pour love and affirmation onto those around me, pursue deep friendships. And it is through this that my spirit grows satisfied. Sexual temptation is then easier to withstand because I know how to meet my deepest needs without engaging in the physical act of sex itself.
By saying no to sex right now, I am saying yes to purity and to balance -- the greater yes. By saying no to sex as a single, unmarried individual, we are saying yes to God, yes to serving others, and yes to ourselves in the pursuit of wholeness.
Saying no creates a vacancy for God. And this is an infinitely precious gift to yourself, allowing you to more deeply connect with God and have more of yourself to offer to others.
And this makes a lot of sense to me. Seeing your sexuality as the desire to be relationally intimate, and honoring that God-given desire by channeling it in the right way will allow you to experience life the way I think God wanted us to.