*ideas churn in head from overheard conversations & Facebook feed*
*types into google: why it's hard to be single in the church*
*browses quickly through the quip-laden titles as eyes settle on "34,000,000 search results"*
*is dissatisfied, rather distraught, and pushed into action*
*breathes deeply and gets fingers ready to type*
Here we go.
I don't like that there are so many people who are finding it hard to thrive as a single person in a church community. however, seeing that 34,000,000 viewpoints & ideas have been already digitized, I do not want to add my common frustrations to the mix. there's already enough sour ingredients at work here. rather, I want to flip the coin. I want to use a different lens. I want to zoom outside of what we understand of our current culture and most importantly, I want to move forward. that's the only way things actually change, right?
whether you are single or not, being an active participant in ANY church community is hard. I know. I've done it every single day of my entire life. but the older I grow, the more I value belonging. it takes good faith that there is a greater work going on. it requires trust in your chosen leaders. it takes an understanding that you are an integral piece in this puzzle. it takes guts to meet people and connect and share your story and use your strengths to serve. it's all really beautiful, honestly. I have tuned myself to the rhythm of Sundays and I am better because of it.
but once you find your place, other worries creep in. you start to question your identity and your role and what influence it has on the people around you (or is this just me? a lil help here). is my relationship status a disadvantage to me? can I achieve what I've dreamt without needing another person? why hasn't Jesus brought anyone into my life that's interested in me? I think if you're single these thoughts have crossed your mind once or twice. if you're me, you try to pass them through as quickly as possible. "okay satan, I'm single. don't remind me."
with the culture changes within America we find more and more people living as single rather than married. I read an article on NPR this week about why fewer American women are married than ever before. For the first time ever, "single adult women outnumber married adult women in the U.S." Oddly enough, it's not that women don't want to get married, but rather they are open to the liberty "to live singly if an appealing marriage option doesn't come along." Basically, less women have to rely on the the financial pressure to find a husband & less need the dual income to support themselves. Sociologically, this is an impressive feat.
but as a young, dreaming, career-driven, absolutely-open-to-marriage-but-still-single woman, I'm in a weird place. sometimes it feels like I'm walking on a tight-rope and one wrong move could send me plummeting. where do I fit? where do I belong in society? where do I belong in the church?
fear not, single friend of mine. you'll be just fine. being single is a beautiful stage of life. you can create the life you want, make as many (or as few) friends as you want, change your wardrobe persona, and immerse yourself into your local community. it's actually quite fun.
and most importantly, you belong in the church. I think there used to be this cookie cutter expectation of Christians that you gotta get married in order to achieve the will of God. that is a frightening pressure to put on a flustered and seeking 20/30-something.
we need air to breathe. we need space to create. we need challenges to grow our faith & gifts. we need to feel okay & accepted that we're in this stage of life and not feel ostracized that we haven't found a significant other. we have a role in the church too. and we need you to help us find it.
so to all my awesome, single pals that have been doin' their thang. keep at it. you inspire me. you show me that my life is not just for marriage, but first for deep communion with God in all facets of life. that' what matters most. and while I value marriage over most things in this world & look forward to that day if it happens, I think God values my (and your) identity at every phase of life more. you are not less equipped because you are single. you are not lacking anything because you don't have a wife. you have a spirit that God wants people to know. you have talent to spread. and I think Abba would want you to know that.
so get involved. put yourself out there. don't let your singleness feel like the scar you're trying to hide. the church needs all sorts of people to shake the world up, so don't hold back.
(p.s. if you're single & cute hit me up)
*types into google: why it's hard to be single in the church*
*browses quickly through the quip-laden titles as eyes settle on "34,000,000 search results"*
*is dissatisfied, rather distraught, and pushed into action*
*breathes deeply and gets fingers ready to type*
Here we go.
I don't like that there are so many people who are finding it hard to thrive as a single person in a church community. however, seeing that 34,000,000 viewpoints & ideas have been already digitized, I do not want to add my common frustrations to the mix. there's already enough sour ingredients at work here. rather, I want to flip the coin. I want to use a different lens. I want to zoom outside of what we understand of our current culture and most importantly, I want to move forward. that's the only way things actually change, right?
whether you are single or not, being an active participant in ANY church community is hard. I know. I've done it every single day of my entire life. but the older I grow, the more I value belonging. it takes good faith that there is a greater work going on. it requires trust in your chosen leaders. it takes an understanding that you are an integral piece in this puzzle. it takes guts to meet people and connect and share your story and use your strengths to serve. it's all really beautiful, honestly. I have tuned myself to the rhythm of Sundays and I am better because of it.
but once you find your place, other worries creep in. you start to question your identity and your role and what influence it has on the people around you (or is this just me? a lil help here). is my relationship status a disadvantage to me? can I achieve what I've dreamt without needing another person? why hasn't Jesus brought anyone into my life that's interested in me? I think if you're single these thoughts have crossed your mind once or twice. if you're me, you try to pass them through as quickly as possible. "okay satan, I'm single. don't remind me."
with the culture changes within America we find more and more people living as single rather than married. I read an article on NPR this week about why fewer American women are married than ever before. For the first time ever, "single adult women outnumber married adult women in the U.S." Oddly enough, it's not that women don't want to get married, but rather they are open to the liberty "to live singly if an appealing marriage option doesn't come along." Basically, less women have to rely on the the financial pressure to find a husband & less need the dual income to support themselves. Sociologically, this is an impressive feat.
but as a young, dreaming, career-driven, absolutely-open-to-marriage-but-still-single woman, I'm in a weird place. sometimes it feels like I'm walking on a tight-rope and one wrong move could send me plummeting. where do I fit? where do I belong in society? where do I belong in the church?
fear not, single friend of mine. you'll be just fine. being single is a beautiful stage of life. you can create the life you want, make as many (or as few) friends as you want, change your wardrobe persona, and immerse yourself into your local community. it's actually quite fun.
and most importantly, you belong in the church. I think there used to be this cookie cutter expectation of Christians that you gotta get married in order to achieve the will of God. that is a frightening pressure to put on a flustered and seeking 20/30-something.
we need air to breathe. we need space to create. we need challenges to grow our faith & gifts. we need to feel okay & accepted that we're in this stage of life and not feel ostracized that we haven't found a significant other. we have a role in the church too. and we need you to help us find it.
so to all my awesome, single pals that have been doin' their thang. keep at it. you inspire me. you show me that my life is not just for marriage, but first for deep communion with God in all facets of life. that' what matters most. and while I value marriage over most things in this world & look forward to that day if it happens, I think God values my (and your) identity at every phase of life more. you are not less equipped because you are single. you are not lacking anything because you don't have a wife. you have a spirit that God wants people to know. you have talent to spread. and I think Abba would want you to know that.
so get involved. put yourself out there. don't let your singleness feel like the scar you're trying to hide. the church needs all sorts of people to shake the world up, so don't hold back.
(p.s. if you're single & cute hit me up)